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    • I love Mike Birbiglia!

      Tom Segura also has a great bit about how the only racial slurs that are perfectly acceptable to say are white racial slurs, because nobody cares.

    • In one of my boarding schools, they preached that cursing was a sign of a limited vocabulary. We swore, but not prolificly.

      When I worked in local news (TV) it was a high-pressure environment with a little bit of a swashbuckling, cowboy mentality. We often swore a lot.

      When I moved to The Weather Channel it was in the South (Atlanta) and one of my direct reports was a deeply religious young lady for whom even G-d dammit was offensive. The more genteel environment taught me to once again curb my tongue.

      I've recently become acquainted with a guy who works as a store manager for a bar-restaurant chain. I notice that he swears a lot and I wonder if his work environmnent, which can also be pressure-filled, is partly why he does so.

    • I mostly work from home, writing, so I don't know that I can excuse my mouth by citing a tense work environment. I sometimes moonlight as a high school substitute, and there I have found myself saying incredibly dorky things to avoid swearing, so I guess the interest in swear-substitutes has paid off? I wish I could avoid saying 'okey-doke' in front of teens, but being a huge square is better than getting in trouble for swearing.

      In worlds colliding, I'm writing a YA novel, and I've had to decide whether to put swear words in life-threatening situations written for ostensibly teenage readers. I've gotten a fair amount of mileage out of '[Character] swore', which after all doesn't remove much information, but won't squander any goodwill I might get someday from censorious adults (or teen readers as prim as I myself was.)

    • For the BBC Comedy series Red Dwarf the writers invented a swear word 'Smeg' as no swearwords would be broadcast by the BBC.

      Smeg is a vulgarism or expletive used throughout the series of Red Dwarf. Although no specific meaning is ever given, it and its derivatives such as Smegger, smeg off, smegging hell, smeghead and Smeg for brains are regularly used for swearing or as derogatory terms.

      Mechanoids were programmed to obey their human masters and were not programmed to swear. However, Kryten managed to override his core programming, but could not say smeg head. The words would cause a minor malfunction, causing them to come out as "smeeeee heeee".

      On a personal note I have used 'Flaming Red Flashing Firetrucks' in polite company.

    • I’m somewhat familiar with this “Red Dwarf” you speak of. Oh wait, what’s that over there in my den!

    • Same milieu, different solution to starting the F-word:

      Which reminds me, as a high school upperclassman who didn't use the F-word, I did say 'shit' pretty often. Which was a potential problem for me when playing tennis -- plenty of mistakes occurred that inspired the exclamation, but swearing was bad form and could get me and my doubles partner in trouble. So I started substituting. Since I'd get the 'shhhh' sound out pretty routinely, I went with a 'nonsense word' that matched: the French word for 'smurf', which is 'schtroumpf'. This seemed appropriate to me, since as any child of the 80s could tell you -- even one like me who was only allowed to watch public television -- 'smurf' can mean anything!

    • What an elegant solution to a teenager’s desire to vent in public.  I did not know that there even was a French version of the word smurf (!).

      My earliest memory of euphemisms in place of profanities was also on television.

      “H-e-double hockey sticks!”
    • I always liked the dubbed lines they'd use in network TV airings of movies.

      I fondly remember watching Die Hard with a Vengeance on TV and laughing uproariously when Zeus called McClane a "racist melon farmer" instead of the more profane original line.

      And then there's the classic TV edit of The Big Lebowski in which Walter destroys a Corvette while yelling, "You see what happens Larry? You see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?!"