"The One" is probably the most sought after person in the entire world, yet also the most elusive. Pretty much everybody wants to eventually settle down with their own "The One", but how will you know when you've met them? Is it something they do which gives you that confidence that you've found them? Or is it just a feeling in your heart?

For me, "The One" is someone who cares for you more than you care for yourself. Someone who buys something you need for you before you even buy it for yourself. Someone who cooks a meal for you because you're too busy working to even think about eating. Someone who tells you to buy a new pair of shoes because your current pair is too worn out. Someone who makes you herbal tea because you're not feeling well.

I'm sure there are many interesting stories out there on how people have found their own "The One". It would be great to hear any stories you want to share.

I would turn your list around the other way.

It is my hope that I am more of a giver than a taker. I need to be the one who cares more for the other.

Takers are described by the following metaphors:

Clouds without water carried about by the wind. In the time of drought, a cloud which gives no water is worthless.

Late autumn trees without fruit, twice dead, pulled up by the roots. An uprooted tree that has no fruit will never be beneficial.

Raging waves of the sea, foaming up their own shame. Raging waves can cause damage and foam contains little substance

Wandering stars. The reason that the north star is so valuable is that one always knows that if one locates it, then one can get oriented.

When parents love a baby who has nighttime problems, those parents often lose a lot of sleep and develop headaches. Yet if they love the child then they don't ask "How is this child benefiting me?"

Too many people think that love is an intense degree of like. Love is desiring the benefit of the other even when it is costly to me. Love loves the unlikeable.

Asking "what will this person do for my benefit" is indicative of a lack of love.

Bible Gateway passage: Jude 12-13, Jude 16 - New International VersionThese people are blemishes at your love feasts, eating with you without the slightest qualm-shepherds who feed only themselves. They are clouds without rain, blown along by the wind; autumn trees, without fruit and uprooted-twice dead. They are wild waves of the sea, foaming up their shame; wandering stars, for whom blackest darkness has been reserved forever.www.biblegateway.com

Of course a relationship should go both ways. So ideally, if the one for you cares more for you than you do yourself, in return you should also care more for that person than they do themselves.

Back when I was 19 or 20, an older adult said that marriage is not a 50-50 proposition but a 100-100 proposition. I really did not understand what he meant until I got married. There were times when my wife needed everything I had to give. She was in intense pain due to what we finally discovered was endometriosis. Sadly, although what she needed was an endometrial ablatian she was not offered that until we switch medical providers due to a very upsetting encounter.

This was not the only time that she had nothing to give me because of how great her critical need was. The point is that she was not a taker but there were times when I needed to give her 100% and not expect "payback."

Jesus told his followers: "But love your enemies, and do them good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and you shall be sons of the Most High: for He is kind toward the unthankful and evil.

Love is a verb. Since one can love an enemy, surely one can also love a spouse during bad times as well as during the delightful times.

How do you know when you've found "The One"?

When you can’t see yourself being with anyone else when things take a turn for the worse.

I suspect that a lot of marriages are going to end this year because of the Pandemic: there are “fair-weather marriages” just as there are “fair-weather friends.”

Further Reading

Sorry to hear about what happened to your wife. I'm glad she had you then and you had her.

"When you can’t see yourself being with anyone else when things take a turn for the worse." I think that's an inciteful statement.

Thank you

Me and my 'one' were married 38 years yesterday and have been living together for 40.

I think at the start you 'know' because everything is completely natural and effortless. Like gears meshing. Hanging out together is symbiotic.

Romance, the mushy feelings and lust lay the foundations, but to make it last, more than anything you have to be best friends and full of mutual respect.

If those parts aren't there - she isn't the one.