Ugh, I hate to be a downer in any way about such a great talk, but one thing was festering with me last night. I was a Mormon Bishop for 5 years and called into service of counseling marriages. I didn’t like it, didn’t feel qualified, so I relied on a network of half a dozen psychiatrists and therapists.
One thing I heard often is this point of view that everyone has their own narrative and the truth is somewhere in between. That was often true. But sometimes it wasn’t. Those were hard cases because the working hypothesis most people have is “oh, he’s such a wonderful man. She seems kind of depressed. If she were only warmer instead of being sullen, they could work this out.”
What no one knew is that he was a monster at home and she was afraid of him. If anything, her narrative blamed herself too much. She would say she fell in the kitchen and that’s why she had the black eye.
Anyway, I did like Lori’s talk for the 80% use case, just not when one party is being truly awful.