Yiddish is famous for its elaborate curses. Recent events reminded me of this collection, which is a few years old, but is unfortunately still relevant:


May you be reunited in the world to come with your ancestors, who were all socialist garment workers.

May you have a large store, and have it all dismantled by vulture capitalists.

May you grow so rich that your widow’s second husband is thrilled they repealed the estate tax.

May you feast every day on chopped liver with onions, chicken soup with dumplings, baked carp with horseradish, braised meat with vegetable stew, latkes, and may every bite of it be contaminated with E. Coli, because the government gutted the E.P.A.

May you sell everything and retire to Florida just as global warming makes it uninhabitable.

May your son be elected President, and may you have no idea what you did with his goddamn birth certificate

May the state of Arizona expand their definition of "suspected illegal immigrants" to "anyone who doesn't hunt."

May you live to a hundred and twenty without Social Security or Medicare.

May you grow like an onion with your head in the ground, and then may the ground be fracked.

May you make a fortune, and lose it all in one of Sheldon Adelson's casinos.

May your child give his Bar Mitzvah speech on the genius of Ayn Rand.


There--I feel better now.